Rockstar Parody

♫ I'm through with hot body contests at clubs.
I'm like the bottom of the barrel
and I'm never gonna win.
This bella vita hasn't turned out
Quite the way I want it to be.
(Tell me what you want)

I want a brand new house on an episode of Cribs
And a bedroom I can prostitute in.
And a king size tub.
Big enough for ten plus me.
(Yeah, so what you need?)

I need a stolen credit card that's got no limit
And a big getaway jet with a bedroom in it.
Gonna join the mile high club
While drinking Corona at thirty-seven thousand feet.
(Been there, done that)

I want a new tour bus instead of that death stench car.
My own star on Hollywood Boulevard.
Somewhere between Brad Pitt
And Johnny Depp is fine for me. Mmmm hmmm.
(So how you gonna do it?)

I'm gonna kill my kid
For fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair
And change my name.

'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses, drivin' fifteen cars.
The johns come easy and the drugs come cheap.
I won't stay skinny 'cause all I'll do is eat.

And I'll hang out in dive bars,
In the VIP with washed up reality stars.
Every bad baby killer's gonna wind up there.
Every drunk former mom with ever changing hair.

And well, hey, hey, I wanna be a cockstar.
Hey, hey, I mean, I wanna be a rockstar.

I wanna be great like Heidi Fleiss without the hassles.
Hire eight body guards that love to stick it up my asshole.
Convert to Christianity
So I can eat my meals for free.
(I'll have Velveeta, ha, ha)

I'm gonna dress my ass with the latest Target fashion.
Get a front door key to an imaginary boyfriend's mansion.
Gonna date a former felon that loves
to leak video diaries for me.

I'm gonna kill my kid
For fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair
And change my name.

'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses, drivin' fifteen cars.
The johns come easy and the drugs come cheap.
I won't stay skinny 'cause all I'll do is eat.

And I'll hang out in dive bars,
In the VIP with washed up reality stars.
Every bad baby killer's gonna wind up there.
Every drunk former mom with ever changing hair.

And I'll hide out at a Pastor's house
With a brand new computer and a fridge full of food.
The congregation will pay for everything
thanks to my evil smile.
All the while, I'll have a drug dealer on speed dial.

Well, hey, hey, I wanna be a cockstar, um yeah, I mean, I wanna be a rockstar.

Gonna do interviews that offend the haters.
Gonna pop my morning-after pills from a Pez dispenser.
Get Casey Anthony's Conscience to write all my songs,
Lip-synch 'em every night while masturbating with a dong.

'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses, drivin' fifteen cars.
The johns come easy and the drugs come cheap.
I won't stay skinny 'cause all I'll do is eat.

And I'll hang out in dive bars,
In the VIP with washed up reality stars.
Every bad baby killer's gonna wind up there.
Every drunk former mom with ever changing hair.

And I'll hide out at a Pastor's house
With a brand new computer and a fridge full of food.
The congregation will pay for everything
thanks to my evil smile.
All the while, I'll have a drug dealer on speed dial.

Well, hey, hey, I wanna be a rockstar.
Hey, hey, no, I wanna be a cockstar. ♫

Noose

Status Update

According to a shit eating stupid doctor, as has been revealed in the recently released psychological evaluations, the fact that, according to my well played lies,  my child could have been the product of rape or incest and I decided to keep her anyway works against the theory that I would kill said offspring. Yup. I'm a psychopathic genius and I know exactly how to work the mental health system to my advantage.

Comical Conscience Photo Archive

PRESS RELEASE: The only way to fully eradicate a cootch infestation is to conduct a thorough inspection & cleaning of the infected area. A professional pussy control agent will then use a variety of extermination methods to rid the cunt of disease & parasites. Given the rapid reproductive nature of Casey's cootch, which is more akin to a creature, it will not be surprising if the infestation returns to full strength just weeks after a failed extermination attempt. Therefore several exterminations will be necessary before the infestation can be completely eradicated. Due to the repetitive & tedious tasks that are involved with rancid cooter extermination, it's usually quite a costly endeavor. A collection has been started to help defray the costs. Please send donations directly to The Casey Anthony Is A Victim Foundation.

BREAKING NEWS: Forecasters say Tropical Storm Casey has a 70 percent chance of turning into a party hardy cyclone during the next 48 hours as conditions become more favorable for drunkenness. The slut storm is currently drifting south toward the Bahamas. Computer forecast models have little consensus where the storm will end up, but models on Faux12's patented Hurricane-Whore-Tracker show it moving generally north toward bars & clubs in the coming days.

BREAKING NEWS: According to the Anthony Family Slut Storm Tracking Center, a slow-moving, pathetic excuse for a tropical system with the potential to douse holiday weekend beach plans with tears of feigned sorrow developed into Tropical Storm Lee Friday afternoon. Louisiana's LaFourche Parish & the city of Grand Isle issued voluntary evacuation orders because no one in their right mind would want to stick around for another one of Lee's shameful, sissy boy crying jags. Residents have been instructed to don raincoats & keep umbrellas handy as it's predicted that Lee will dump a flood of crocodile tears along the Gulf Coast.

BREAKING NEWS: The Magic Tree Company & Casey Anthony will be partnering to market a chloroform scented automobile air freshener in the Pinellas County area this Fall. They are also releasing a special, limited time only Little Tree called "It Smells Like There's Been A Dead Body In The Damn Car!" It's an all purpose odor eater which will cover up the smell of rotting pizza or rancid salami as well as the pesky residual stench of chewing tobacco spittle. All proceeds to benefit The Casey Anthony is A Victim Foundation (A.K.A. her liquor $ fund).

We all know about the Nina, the Pinta & the Santa Maria but reports are surfacing that Columbus may have had a secret 4th ship in the fleet known as the Bella Vita. This boat carried a cursed cargo that would come to be known as the infamous Casey Anthony in a later reincarnation. Disguised as a perfectly wretched pirate whore, her purpose upon the journey was simple; To service the sailors venturing far from home on a perilous discovery voyage. She was infected with the bacteria known as syphilis via orgiastic fornication & introduced into the crew's unwitting midst with a cunning ruse set into play by Lucifer himself. Thanks to Casey's contaminated cootch, the annals of history have been riddled with the aftereffects of one of the most notable examples of demonic disease globalization to date.

BREAKING NEWS: An artifact from the very dawn of mankind has been unearthed which bears a striking resemblance to Casey Anthony. The archaeological find lends further credence to the theory that Ms. Anthony is, in fact, a demonic presence upon the earth that has been reincarnated in every generation since antiquity in order to terrorize humanity with her monstrous deeds.

My fabulous jurors just sent me this really sweet gift! I was also very touched by the card! It reads: "You seemed like a really good mom, Casey. Like you actually took care of Caylee. That's why we let you walk even though you threw her body in the swamp to rot and be eaten by coyotes. Only an accident could have made you do something like that and since you sucked your dad off before you went to school on most days, we totally understand. Love Always, Your Jury." Awwww!

Casey's too drunk to come to the computer right now. This is Jose posting. Thought you might like to know how my #1 priority has been spending her free time. Just another trashy, whore of a mess that I have to clean up. At times like these, I'm sorry I took her case. But she'll wake up soon, give me the best BJ I've ever had & I'll feel blessed once more. It's a dirty, skank of a job, but someone's got to do it.

Getting beastly with it!

By now you've all been beyond bored by my drab ass video diary. That's why I'm busy filming a "candid" sex tape. I really hope no one "hacks" my computer and exposes such a sacred piece of my skanky scunt for the world to see! Especially that part where I bring my newly adopted dog in to lick peanut butter out of my ass crack. I mean, no way would I want the entire Internet to be privy to such a disturbing scene. Unless, of course, it promotes my world wide renown and leads to a lucrative deal with an overseas XXX company that specializes in bestiality.

Sex, Lies, and Jailhouse Video: Part One

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The Bitch Who Stole Caylee

Casey Anthony, you're a bitch I'd like to see lynched
without the privilege of a last meal. 
Your cootch is as cuddly as a cactus,
You're as smarmy as an eel, Miss Anthony. 

Your tits are saggy sacks, 
so it's obvious they're real.

You're a monster, Casey Anthony.
Your heart's an empty hole.
Your hoo-haa is full of bed bugs.
You've got a black hole as your soul, Miss Anthony. 

In order to bang you, a man would need 
a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole.

You're a vile one, Casey Anthony. 
You have a horse-toothed smile.
You should be used as bait 
to hunt hungry crocodiles, Miss Anthony. 

Given the choice between the two of you, 
most would rather screw a hungry crocodile.

Your scunt is a foul one, Casey Anthony. 
It smells like a nasty, wasty skunk.
Your whore-hole has been stuffed with unwashed cocks, 
now your cunt is full of gunky spunk, Miss Anthony. 

The three words that best describe you, are as follows, and I quote:
STINK, SKANK, STUNK. 

Your body is NOT HOT, Casey Anthony. 
You should be tied to a shit stained cot and left to rot. 
We'd like to see you dead and splotched
with moldy purple spots, Miss Anthony. 

You should be dumped in a swamp overflowing
with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable
rubbish imaginable, eaten up by coyotes, 
leaving only bones mangled into unidentifiable knots.

The very thought of you nauseates me, Casey Anthony. 
All hope for your redemption is completely lost.
Your attorney is a crooked jerky jockey
and all your life consists of is getting sauced, Miss Anthony. 

Please, deep throat a three decker Velveeta and salami sandwich 
with an extra helping of arsenic, you wicked baby killing witch!